Title: Let's pretend we're in love
Fandom: Merlin
Paringa : Merlin / Arthur,
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not belong Merlin, Arthur is not mine, it belongs to me everything that is on their side dish.
Summary: Arthur has fallen in love. Merlin can not really be happy.
Notes: Thanks in all languages in the world mystofthestars , that was the beta so fantastic and in record time, and it was so nice to point out to a lot of repetitions and missing commas.
This story is slash . Men with men, yes.
I know you think That I Should not Still Love You, I'll tell you that. But if I did not say it, well I'd still Have felt it where's the sense in that?
They were immediately put back on the road and Merlin was glad to replace a horse. He thought that, if nothing else, it was something to do while waiting to melt the lump in my throat or forced it to end its proximity with Arthur. Instead, the return was just a grueling play of the last day came. Before
had ridden in a silence thick, warm and enveloping. The hand over his sweaty Arthur, the cotton jacket that was heated. The vicinity. Now was equally silent, but it was cold and they were far apart, and if Merlin was still backed a few inches would have fallen horse. He kept thinking that he could not ride with no memory of Arthur this time, and thought him even more nervous. Before they slept ...
Merlin had printed to focus on every inch of skin as they slept before. Now explain the silence in their blankets, very careful to settle on the opposite side of the fire, and pretended to sleep.
did not speak, but he was not offended by the usual silence when you can not stand. Merlin was dictated by the need: would not know what to say other than a request for explanations, excuses, reassurances, and not knew how to talk with the lump in my throat again, so was silent.
Arthur, with no apparent sense, he was imprisoned in a gloomy silence. Merlin pretended that he did not care, and then, with a little 'pity towards himself, secretly left the greater part of the meat because he was afraid you were sick. When he went hunting
Arthur, Merlin did not even feel like something to help him find his magic, which was a reminder to all the small animals that Arthur took so fast, it twisted off around him, forcing Prince to put twice as long. Only then, with Arthur away and the quiet forest all around, Merlin was able to think about the situation as soon as tolerable. He needed to take a few deep breaths and clear a bit 'fantasies that were running through his head. But after half an hour the absence of Arthur became suspicious after one hour there could be something wrong after two was certainly lost him. Then Arthur and Merlin coming back was beginning to hope she would go away. Suddenly
case was the loneliness, the silence of the woods that closed over their heads. In the evening, he realized he had not uttered a sound all day, and would give anything to get next to Gwen, or Gaius, or his mother. He dreamed of
Ealdor. Half asleep imagined to leave altogether and go home, to detect a piece of land and live there for life, and he could smell the fields of hay and cake for his mother. He could also imagine the anguish of having Arthur fading away with the passage of time, until it disappeared altogether.
Those were the times when truly believed that life was bearable without Arthur.
Sometimes he dreamed of Arthur. Then he awoke and imagined that Arthur had made a mistake, that all they had done and had a sense that they could do it again forever. You could change the room, his few things mixed with the arms of Arthur, sleep on his pillow, touched her hair. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Plus, of course, looking at him. Arthur had his own way to shrug to himself when the map does not return, a special smile when to have dinner, a grimace of annoyance when he wanted to say something and then remained silent. And Merlin looked at him in silence, in turn, and he wanted to.
And he was tired of wanting to.
The travel days were to end happily, and the hills began to look at the plain of Camelot, when, in the early hours of the evening, they met an old woman and two young men on either side of a path.
"You road," Shouted one of the boys "You saw a wagon pass by?"
Arthur stopped his horse giving way to foreigners to notice the royal insignia.
"Your Highness?" The boy asked hesitantly.
Arthur nodded, without changing expression and the three bowed deeply. "We do not come from the street," he said. "We cut through the woods. Have you been robbed? "
They did all three shook his head, then the one who had talked to Merlin smiled" I've already seen the show. You are my friend di Gwen, non è così? Marvin.”
“Merlin.” Corresse Merlin sorridendo. Altre presenze umane sembravano improvvisamente un dono dal cielo. “Venite da Camelot?”
Il ragazzino, quindici anni al massimo, annuì con entusiasmo “Siamo andati a vendere il raccolto della nonna per il funerale e abbiamo fatto un sacco di soldi. Ora stiamo tornando a casa, ma aspettiamo che nostro padre ci raggiunga con il carro per fare più veloce. Ha comprato un cavallo con i soldi nuovi. E’ enorme. Un vero – ”
Ma né Merlin né Arthur avevano heard over the word 'funeral'. They exchanged a quick glance.
"Who died?" Churches Arthur imperious, breaking the description of the horse.
The old man shook his head again, so was the older boy to speak. "I'm sorry, Your Highness, we do not know the name, we are strangers. But it was not a great surprise, was to be a man already old. It is important. They called him 'the king's friend'. Maybe - "
" Perhaps? "He asked Arthur. Merlin realized she was watching him, and for a moment he wondered why. He had always been the slowest to analyze situations. But then ... Gaius .
"Speak!" Merlin absently recorded that Arthur must have screamed.
It made no sense. He was fine when they left and it was old but not so old, had no diseases or defects, nor
... "A decoction went wrong? A drug, a ... I'm not sure, Your Highness, forgive - "
Merlin had to dismount and artifact to support a tree, because someone had just planted a dagger to the hilt in the lungs, and now it was difficult to breathe.
"His name is Gaius? Reply! E 'Gaius ? "Arthur continued to scream.
It was not fair.
He talked so much about fate, design, and this mean? Quest'accozzaglia of unjust things that only the captain and ... and he could not help it, with all its magic and its power and its formulas? He wanted to go back. He wanted everything back. He wanted to be and she wanted to Ealdor Will, and Gaius safe at Camelot, and Arthur away, away, unknown and all, much easier.
"... Maybe."
The magic of Merlin tingling under the skin, widened, he pressed to leave, to go to run to save ... Then, as he mounted, he calmed down and left him drained , useless.
"Are you sure?" He was asking Arthur to farmers and to the gods, Arthur, do you care? No more the cure for hangover. You can not invent a cold to avoid official dinners. Morgana sleep no more well, Gwen does not cure swollen ankles, the King will not pass a headache, but he ... but he
... "Merlin."
Merlin realized that he had leaned against a tree, the front hard against the bark. Arthur had just reached out to brush her shoulder. Merlin shook away.
"I'm not sure. They do not know how it was done. "
Merlin nodded so only because, perhaps, would go on. Please.
"I'm sorry." Merlin was about to nod again, when he realized that the voice was not Arthur. He turned and collided with dark eyes and sad the larger of the two brothers. "I'm trying to remember, but I'm not sure ... I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault." Merlin murmured. Arthur was watching him, and for a moment as he seemed desperate. "No, I know. But ... Merlin, right? I'm sorry. In the case. "
" I ... "Merlin
felt that tiredness was suddenly too much, and had time to grasp the outstretched hand of the guy before everything became darker and his knees give way. He did not know how long he remained kneeling on the ground with his hand in close to a stranger. Then Arthur said, "Let's go." And then got up and mounted his horse.
looked Merlin and Arthur in front of him, not for the first time in those days, he seemed not to know. He acknowledged the curve of the neck, shoulders clenched, sweaty hair on the neck, but suddenly did not seem enough. Arthur knew that there was no behind all that cold. He had left the filter carried it off.
were forced to stop a few hours from Camelot, the night had fallen and was no moon. Arthur, as usual, waited for Merlin light the fire and prepare the blankets for sleeping, and then sat on the opposite side.
"You'll see that it goes well." He said.
Merlin raised his head, amazed. Even his voice seemed strange, remember the serious and humorous, affectionate, and now found himself so similar to that of Uther.
"Yes"
"If it - if it ..." Arthur still not looking at him, but Merlin could not take my eyes off him. 'The hair is always been so long? 'He kept asking,' My jaw so square? "'You know ... you must not think that'll be no place to sleep. You are still an employee of Camelot. "
The words, the words were all wrong. Since Arthur had given up trying to do less harm as possible? When he stopped worrying about not hurting Merlin? Why hurt, so officers and empty, so alien.
"Thanks."
Arthur nodded, but still did not want to watch, and his chin was raised in a way he had never needed to talk with Merlin.
They were silent for a few minutes, while Merlin was trying to decide how he had missed two of the most important people in his life in one fell swoop. When just felt that he could not hold back her tears, began to speak.
"Arthur," he began. Arthur had forbidden him to call him by name, so he continued to do so. "... Should I go home. A Ealdor. "
Arthur raised his head sharply, and even in the dark once again Merlin was sure to see something in her eyes akin to despair. Prince swallowed, however, and seemed to tighten every muscle as summoning all his strength before answering. "Sure." He said, tone down and almost unstable "Yes" He stood up "I'm going to check the horses."
Merlin not understanding, looked away. The horses could be seen very well from where they sat. "Arthur ..." Arthur
even turned his head. "Forget it."
At that time, before the fire, Merlin sware that if he stayed at Camelot, would never have allowed the love potion to put together that way. Never. They started right where they had lost before Lucan came to Camelot.
Oddly, that night was Arthur that she awoke with a start to a nightmare. Merlin, who was not asleep, he said nothing. The walls of Camelot
appeared from behind the last hill and Merlin felt his stomach twist. What is now considered his house received him with its walls and its gates shining sun, and he still had the desire to turn back and escape. He noticed
star clutching the arm of Arthur when he pushed him away, as seared by contact.
"Merlin."
Merlin stood with his hand in midair, while Arthur shook his heels to force the horse to increase the pace.
No one said anything. Arthur urged the horse again and soon entered the city walls.
hours were sleepy after lunch and Camelot stretched tires under a full sun and heat. Resumed the craftsmen's tools, the market in which some hens clucked plan was beginning to become populated, the shop of Tom was still bolt the door. The guards were changing for the afternoon session and Arthur greeted with more fatigue usual. It was evident from the drowsiness that the last general must have been busy days.
front of the castle entrance, a basket of clothes in his arms, Gwen was chatting loudly with the baker's boy. A
Merlin seemed not to see it for years. Arthur immediately stopped the horse, so Merlin was able to get off without having to break the neck, and rush to meet the girl. He called her immediately with a loud voice, with a note of panic and a profound relief to be back.
"Merlin! You are back! "Gwen laughed, bowing a bit 'awkward for the basket" Your Height. "
Arthur gratified with a slight smile. "Guinevere."
Merlin forced her to put the basket and can not hold itself "Oh, Gwen. You have no idea. "The whispered in his ear, just for the need to say it aloud. "You have no idea."
Gwen nodded a laugh, but seeing that Merlin was anything but fun, I drew back and looked worried. "You're not bad, eh? You've got nothing broken - why not have a horse? You will not have met the robbers, I told you - "
"Gwen. Gaius ... "She could not look at it. His mouth was suddenly mixed, making it impossible to continue, and Arthur was still on the horse and did not seem willing to help him. "Gaius ..."
But it would be enough to look up to realize how little we remember the three met on the road. Gwen had in fact already begun to shake his head, full of remorse.
"I knew it! I had told Lady Morgan, with all due respect, "With two fingers beckoned to Merlin to raise his eyes, and smiled. Merlin released ten hours of breath-hold. "I names were too similar, you would have got a damn ... but I can not believe ... I mean, who did you ask? It would just ask if they had seen the court physician. "
" But Gaius ... "
" He's better than me. It will stay at this already eating. "
" But then who ... "
Gwen, strangely, this time looked to Arthur before answering. Merlin is Arthur who immediately stiffened. "Sir Gailinus."
"Who ...?" Churches Merlin.
"The father of Lucan. E 'was ... "He looked at them, hesitantly," ... an accident. "
was the first time after the remedy that Arthur (Merlin and with him) heard the name of Lucan by others. Merlin looked at him closely, ready to catch any sign that the filter had not disappeared. Arthur frowned eyebrows just as surprised by something he had forgotten. Gwen
he was puzzled, to say the least.
"I think I'll try to Gaius." Merlin said.
He and Arthur went into the castle together and left at the door, without much regards.
Merlin had every intention of sticking to Gaius and not leave it again for weeks, but now, seeing that Arthur moved away towards the opposite side of the corridor, had a kind of vertigo. The need to know where he was going and why it took him by surprise and clutched his throat.
Lucan would not be going on, that much was certain. In fact, it probably would have liked to see more after the filter and the whole thing of being in love, and perhaps would even be dismissed Knight for not having to look over his face. In short, under identical conditions of hardly face him, and he was Merlin, anything could think of their relationship was certainly a relationship, while Lucan before the filter even knew existed. Lucan would probably also be forced to leave.
Vista so it did not seem too good to Lucan. But it was also true that perhaps, when the whole spectrum of the love potion was gone, things would get better between him and Arthur. Trying to feel heartened by the thought knocked his knuckles on the door of Gaius.
"Next."
was him, with the scalps impossible and his glasses, bowed on one of his idiotic tomes. Everything was tight, closed and in desperate Merlin broke up a little.
"It 's been Gailinus. He was only wrong, he was a magician as much as I am, that is little. E 'enough for some mistakes in pronunciation and ended up in my hands a love potion instead of a statement of goodwill to ensure that Arthur appreciated his only son. Was not happy when he discovered what had brought: his son, the sole heir, involved in an affair with the son of the King "
" How did you find out? "
Gaius looked down, absently stroking a few leaves of basil "I think a bit 'had guessed. Arthur had a bit in recent weeks' err on the benevolence. But the final blow was definitely I have to give it to him. "
Merlin remained silent, with bated breath to the idea that anyone would consider what he did so wrong at the point of suicide.
"I faced last week, and have believed in to blackmail. I did not want ... "Merlin nodded
convinced.
"Eh. I just hope that he confess what used to be safer sull'antidoto. She thought I was ready to go by the king, or that there had been. He sent down two bottles of arsenic. "
Gaius had tired eyes, but too little because Merlin would think that was the first time that he was responsible for killing someone. He did not care.
"And then the banquet ..."
Gaius nodded. "The very first evening. It took a few drops, he never thought of being successful with a formula somewhere recovered to achieve that. "
" would not have worked anyway. Arthur is no favoritism. "
" Ironically, it was also working instead. Lucan has become a knight in half a day, and after two days was the favorite of the King if the situation had continued over a few months probably would have had a kingdom all its own. Arthur would have given him for his birthday. "
Merlin had already decided to keep quiet about what had happened during the trip, to avoid questions and, perhaps, because if he pretended not sooner or later they would be convinced that nothing had happened really, it was easier back in his clothes as always, in his habits and his previous life.
"How is Lucan?"
Gaius sighed, "Not very well, poor boy. With his father died he inherited a lot 'of land up north, but apparently not so willing to go. It seems that you will marry soon. "She looked at him in the eye" Arthur ... "
" No. "He repeated firmly Merlin to look like the twelfth time. "It 's been. All of it. Probably Lucan he should go, I guess. "
That night, just touched her bed Merlin had fallen into deep sleep. He had wanted to see, or if he had not remembered it, and now he felt like cleaned for days and days of anxiety.
stretched his arms. Nothing better than clean sheets to start the day.
He changed clothes quickly, happily munching on a cake that Gwen must have left early. It was already late, the shouting of the market was spreading through the streets of Camelot, and the spicy scent that accompanied the opening of the kitchen for lunch, went up to the window. Beyond the door, Gaius was already boiling muttering something broken words.
was so easy to pretend that the trip had only been a very long dream.
Merlin just smiled, closely tied my handkerchief around his neck and went out to find Arthur.
She found him by following the sound of iron wrought iron against another, a clear indication that Arthur Pendragon and his mass of riders were having fun somewhere. Arthur was in the exact center of the circle, busy and encourage others to look into his world completely.
The usual rush of affection that Merlin felt every time I saw so taken by something not only did not wait, but this time got a bit 'more than going down to grab his stomach. Perhaps he could offer to stay a little 'more after training, to serve some extra exercise. Before the disaster never failed to work with Arthur. There was also
Lucan. It was a bit 'in the left side in the group, and also to look very carefully it was clear that if he were not going very well, and the apparent strangeness of the sight of him so far away from Arthur. Merlin shrugged.
waited for a break and went to Arthur almost by stealth.
"Hello." He said, handing a rag with sweat.
Arthur looked up, surprised. He said nothing. For a moment ... did not make sense, but for a while Merlin had the impression that the other eye was looking a way out.
"Hello." He repeated, through clenched teeth trying not to blur the hope. Arthur
This time we did it. "Hello."
Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. "I slept a bit 'too, I know. But ... I thought I could serve the lightness helping with a little ' of extra training after. "
Arthur looked around quickly, stepped back and almost slammed against the shield of Lucan, Lucan with the same back. Merlin closed his eyes, ready to rush in aid if the situation gets more complicated. But Arthur, against all logic, he stretched out his hand back and grabbed the forearm of Lucan.
"There need be, I already promised that Lucan would have stayed together."
And so, looking at the bewildered face of Lucan, that Merlin knew that things were not going as hoped for nothing .
met Gwen in the middle of the stairs and almost fell on him.
"Merlin! Careful ... "
" Sorry. "Merlin ran a hand over his face, as if to remove the fatigue. "I did not own view."
"I noticed. You should be careful going up these stairs, I do not know what he was thinking who made them, are steep and each step is different as if they were stones placed at random. "
education Merlin nodded, smiled (a bit 'feebly, he realized too) and was about to overtake. "Sorry, Gwen, but I must ... Arthur has asked me ... "
Gwen raised an eyebrow, still on the step above her. "Arthur is off to train."
"I know - that's why - asked me if ..."
" Merlin." I looked carefully, he lowered the eyebrow and his voice softened. "What is it, mh? Yesterday you were very strange, and look now ... So sad. "
" Nothing. " Merlin replied with a shrug.
"... sure. Look, how about if - you really to do something today? "
Merlin shook his head, and felt he had the beginnings of a stomach ache, accompanied by a malaise. And maybe, yes, it was a bit 'sad.
"Perfect. Lady Morgan will return tomorrow, how about a walk? So tell me about the trip. "
Merlin smiled at his enthusiasm, but added" I have to ask for Arthur. "Every word in his mouth had a bitter taste. They tried everything to Arthur
the castle. It was no longer in training, was not with Bors and Kay playing cards, was not with the horses nor Galahad Agravaine on the terrace. In her room there was, and his father was not involved in any meetings.
"It will be released." He concluded at the end of Merlin.
"Alone? All the riders are inside the walls. "
Merlin shook his head but said nothing. "You know what? Come on. If there will not need me. "
Gwen, that he would never accept otherwise, seemed to sense something and he just nodded to go.
was the most relaxing afternoon that Merlin had spent several days now. They walked through the streets of Camelot in silence as if Gwen had understood without a word of what Merlin had need. They passed through the market and she bought a huge apple, red and shiny that they shared in the fields just behind the castle, sitting on a grassy knoll, chatting up all that had happened in Camelot as Merlin was away.
It was a beautiful day and Gwen seemed too fantastic to be true. Merlin told her and she laughed, dropping back stretch. Merlin followed her with a gesture of gratitude for her sudden, for the sunny day, for the chance to be lying there and not to ride in the woods with only his thoughts to talk to.
Gwen made an attempt to understand something. "What happened?" Churches of nowhere, as they watched the clouds. Merlin was silent. "It 's Arthur, is not it? It 's something he has done. Or maybe ... "He lowered his voice," Something that did not do? "
that Merlin could not really respond, then remained a moment in silence and then Gwen gave him a slight push that made him roll down the hill and burst out laughing.
came back he was already getting dark and decided to return immediately to prepare the room where Arthur had been returned, then run to bed. He felt a bit 'tired, still not fully recovered from the fatigue of the last days, and now that Gwen had returned to his father a little' peace of mind was gone with her.
He climbed the stairs to the heavy footsteps. He could not think of how Arthur had freed him. Perhaps - perhaps he had decided to put a stone on top of all that had happened because the filter. And then maybe she wanted to work so well with him things will return to the spot, as with Lucan. But just remember how he looked before, during training, because the idea vanished.
But it made no sense. Lucan Why yes, and he not? The situation was identical, neither had any guilt and he ... he was Merlin, who knew him, trusted him, he was next to ... Maybe it was just that, he thought wearily, he was tired of it after about nine days intertwined. Maybe it was a passing thing.
opened the door step without thinking about it and he found himself sitting in front of Arthur a chair, arms folded, staring at him seriously.
He felt suddenly nervous. "... Hello?" He said, hesitating.
"Hello to you, Merlin."
Merlin gave a half smile, he managed a bit 'wrong. "What do I have the honor of heading can-bump-to-shame-and-think-the-I?"
Arthur does not attempt to respond to the smile. Indeed, the line on his forehead became even thicker. Merlin calmly closed the door behind him. It would not be a quick thing, but he had no want to find out what was wrong this time. He let out a long sigh.
"Where have you been?"
"Me?" He said, surprised. "Out. In the park. Since you were not there I thought - "
" With the maid of Morgana. I saw you. "
" With Gwen. "Corrected Merlin, more and more surprised, and now a bit 'irritated. Arthur had not changed expression. "We were out, why? You were not there. "
" I would be able to return. are come back. "
" Yes, so what? I'm back. You needed me? "The question came out with so much resentment that Arthur might not even notice it. She bit her lip. "I've tried?" He added, more calmly.
"It's not the point. The point is that I'm back and my servant - my servant, Merlin - not only was not there, but I had not even informed of his whereabouts. "Now, Merlin recognized him, the anger that seethed beneath and just above the semblance of control, fragile like a sheet of ice.
"I'm sorry. Now you know, I went out with Gwen, you were not there and I thought you'd have needed me. "
Arthur jumped up from his chair," How did you come to mind? I was hunting. I'm back and I had my bathroom or something to eat. "
" I do not even know you were out hunting. "Merlin began, almost whispering. Then his voice strengthened. He did not want to face a discussion so stupid, let alone now. He had no wish to be there to explain why felt sidelined. "I did not know you were gone, or what time you would come back. How do you think I could prepare the bath? "
" The other times ... "
" The other times, "Merlin could not believe that they had come to this, and that Arthur had not even noticed the difference with other times the "I knew when you would come back, and I could arrange for you to find everything. But, Arthur ... "
Arthur's gaze hardened.
Merlin tried desperately to figure out what might have said or done, and if it or not to continue, but it was too late. The words flowed away with a sense of relief, "Arthur. What has changed? What have I done? I do not understand, I mean, what has happened has happened, but we fixed things up. It's all right now. With Lucan speaks to us, do not understand why with me ... "It was amazing how
Arthur could shut himself almost physically, tightening his arms to his chest and hardening his jaw. Merlin saw him tense up everything, and then how to fix it ... just as if he hoped would go away. "Nothing has changed."
Merlin closed his eyes for a moment. "It 's all changed. Between us. I thought it was due to the filter of love, all you did, and I thought it would pass with time. But then today I saw you with Lucan, and in agreement, I understand, was not even that. So enough, Arthur, I prefer to know. What happened? "
face each other in the middle of the room, still in their positions, just as it rejects the look. Merlin was weaker, too tired and defeated, while Arthur had something vibrant, nervous. Desperate. He closed his eyes still trying to perceive things, but at that time Arthur opened his mouth.
" Sir Lucan."
"How?"
"It 's a gentleman. You can not turn to him as a kitchen boy. "
Merlin shook his head slowly, the surprise quickly leaving room for anger. "No, of course. Sir Lucan. "
Arthur nodded, but it was looking more and probably had lost its face. "You can not compare yourself -" Merlin shook his head slowly. He would have given everything, do anything not to let him finish the sentence. "You can not compare yourself Lucan. What has changed? Nothing. You're still my slave. "
The final words were something like a boulder that fell on his stomach. Arthur saw at once that he understood what he had said just after having done so, he immediately moved forward as if to stop him, or to apologize or explain. A Merlin no longer mattered.
"Okay." Thrown out, dry, any residual anger three weeks, and went out slamming the door.
Maybe you really expect to be chased.
The next day Merlin Arthur met on the steps of the hall.
Arthur was already in the armor, the one that put incomplete to fight against his knights, Merlin realized that it had already found someone else that pulisse. Arthur followed his gaze, which controlled that they were actually missing the spots and bruises, and frowned.
"I asked Gwen." He said, dry and firm.
"Good."
Merlin was about to leave, he stayed two hours and yet the reality of that whole situation could seem distant, but Arthur's stood arm in an iron grip. "Merlin, listen to me. I wanted - for hours - "
" Never mind. "Said Merlin, slipped from his hand and went away.
"Write to Hunith?"
Merlin nodded, again dipping ink for the last regards. "I found one of a small town an hour from Ealdor about to go home. He promised to bring. "
" Good. Your mother will be happy - do you mind passing the extract of flowers of a lion? - Two months do not you feel - no, not the pink, Merlin, for heaven's sake! But where you got your head? "
Merlin shrugged, his eyes softened and Gaius.
"It appears that you do not sleep enough. You can take the afternoon off, so here you are still not help. "
" No, thanks. "When Merlin could not think of anything worse than free time with nothing to do but think. "Here." He said, handing the bottle right. "What are you doing?"
"A decoction for the mistress of Sir Bedivere. See these yellow flakes? E 'vanilla treated. It is used to prevent Lady Abigail faint too often in the private rooms of Sir Bedivere. It gave rise to different situations ... "Merlin chuckled" ... inappropriate, as you can well imagine. "
" And this? "
Gaius did not have time to respond, because the door of the laboratory opened with a crash.
Merlin had a deja vu: Standing in front of the door, Arthur seemed to copy dell'Arthur who had clamored a sleeping pill before they left for Lake Or. Seemed to be in the same torment, the same desire, and Merlin felt his heart plummet.
"Gaius." Gaius glanced quickly at Merlin, surprised as him. "I need to talk."
The man nodded once, "Of course, Your Highness. Sit. Is there something wrong? ... Something that is not as it should be? "
Arthur took a step. Merlin stared at, instead, as if any moment could disappear.
"Arthur ..." He called Merlin floor.
Arthur shook himself, stepped forward and held the door open. "I do not need you, now. Exit "
Merlin nodded, what else could he do?, But he was so tired of it. He left without looking back and headed for the rooms of Arthur.
When finally he returned to Arthur, Merlin was ready. It had taken hours to calm down, to decide, even to keep from looking back. But there was no other way, things would be addressed and Merlin was just tired of getting hurt. And if you were served, for Arthur, for Camelot, for anyone, if it were served ... But it was not.
Arthur came in and was dumbfounded, and found it sitting on the table intent to look at his feet.
Merlin hurried down. "Sorry. I've been waiting for. "
Arthur swallowed two or three times, then nodded wide, as an invitation to sit down and turned away, going to take off muddy boots. Merlin does not attempt to go to help him, but Arthur did not seem to expect it.
"You wanted to tell me something?"
Merlin took a deep breath, because it probably would never have stopped doing evil, then said to the back of Arthur "Me 'm leaving. "
There was a second stall in which Merlin thought it would be easier if it all ended there, as any master-servant relationship. Then Arthur turned up.
"You're leaving." Under the flat voice, Merlin could easily feel out of place.
"I'm going Ealdor. I found someone to do the middle and leaves tomorrow. Sorry for the short notice, but anyway ... "He tried to smile," Of course there will be someone who wants to take my place. "
Arthur's eyes were dark as if all the torches were suddenly extinguished. I peered deeply, arms rigid at the sides of the body kept half-closed eyes that Merlin. "There will certainly be."
"Indeed." Merlin reached out as if to offer him his hand, then shook his head and stepped back. Exhaled, and the air went out all the dreams that Arthur did not accept him to leave. Just as well, of course. "So ... here. It seems a bit 'stupid to say, but ... it was an honor. Really. "
Arthur walked slowly across the room, and sat on a chair. Also sought to secure it in the eye. They were both still too quiet, and Merlin knew enough now to understand their dynamics that would not end well. In fact, Arthur began. "And if I forbid you leave?" I asked as stroking a real chance to do so.
Merlin was surprised, but not that much.
"I can not stay, Arthur."
"It 's something happened to your mother?"
would have been easier for both if Merlin had only said yes, but he had yet the strange idea that they deserved something better. Had not gone as it should, I agree, but it was still important.
"No. No, not my mother. I ... I'm sorry, Arthur. "
" Do you mind? "The tone turned aside bitterness for a moment, but Arthur is now filming" And for what? "Merlin
a second closed eyes. He had already decided to respond to whatever he's asked, he felt doverglielo, but this did not mean that he would do less harm.
"I think I have at least the right to an explanation. Let's do this, Convince me that you do so, or you do not move here. "
Merlin had slowly shook his head. "I do not work that way."
"If I say that it works, Merlin, how it works." Arthur's face tensed with the effort to contain the anger. Futile effort, given that Merlin could see every single track buried.
"Sorry."
still remained some seconds in silence, as if they were still facing an enemy in front.
"Tell me why." Growled Arthur, Merlin and even if had not wanted to respond, he could not oppose it so destroyed.
"Yes. Sure. I'm sorry because ... you know, "he began, realizing after talking to have lowered his voice," When it all began, when he arrived Lucan ... "
Arthur nodded.
".. I had realized that something was wrong. Immediately. I saw how you look and how talking and ... I just realized. But I have not even thought of saying to someone, and to understand why I left him alone - I let things get worse. "
" It 's difficult for a love potion is not your fault. "It seemed an acquittal. It seemed more that Arthur tried to contradict him.
Merlin pulled back to support your back door closed. "No, I know. But, Arthur, I would have saved so much pain to think about that now ... But I have not even had the courage to talk to you. That's because - "He was forced to stop for a moment, to imprint the image of good that Arthur had known up to then, before it all falls apart forever. "Because I could not even agree to you were in love with Lucan. So, you see, I failed. "He smiled. Arthur stood, but did not stop for even a second look.
"And the thing is, Arthur, I can not promise you will not fail again, because right now I can not even promise to stay here."
"What does that mean?"
Arthur was beautiful in the light of torches, so firm and decided, so far. The words flowed away from Merlin as a breath of air. "I do not care to be the second."
"... how?"
"In the beginning. I just really can not bear to be the one from which you want to race. And I'm not saying that you need someone like that. I'm just saying ... For a while I thought I'd be, and then it did not happen and I said 'Yes, that's okay'. But it did not work. I can not stay behind forever while you're ahead. I can not. "
Arthur held his breath sharply, and Merlin had close your eyes to continue.
"I saw ... I heard it is, and I can not get it out of my mind. So it was just the filter, but this does not change things for me . And I can not ... I can be your friend when you go, your servant, and the rest of the time, not even now that your friend seems to be enough. I know I should be so, and that is my limit. Then - "Arthur
rose from his chair with the movements of those who noticed a deer approaching. "So," asked the voice hoarse.
Merlin looked at him closer, and swallowed nervously. "So I'm leaving."
"escape."
Merlin shook his head. "Think what you want."
"Since when do not you care what I think?"
now joined him and held him against the door in a way that was just cruel. "How can you even think about it, Arthur?" Merlin whispered, and saw for yourself that every kind of decision had disappeared from his voice, leaving it empty and destroyed. Arthur's eyes seemed
grow, and then melt, and then lean up on every corner of the face of Merlin. And Merlin, Merlin could not move even if you like.
"Merlin. Shut up. "
When kissed, it was no surprise, but this made it less wonderful. Merlin closed his eyes and every little touch, every touch, the inside and got warmed and melted all the pain and fatigue that he had to swallow. Arthur kissed the floor, just touching it first, then held it in place with open hands to the sides of his face, Merlin and let him take over.
"And 'this -" murmured Arthur suddenly pushing against him, almost violent. "And 'this that they could not open minded?" Merlin
struggled to hold back a pants, propped against the door as Arthur without any sweetness clung to his body, making him spend a thigh between her legs apart and pushing , pushing ... "Yes," whispered Merlin, so why now did not make sense even trying to deny. "Yes, I - Arthur, please ..."
"Think ?
Arthur had her eyes so black that Merlin could mirror inside, but did not dare. Took his robe blew up a few buttons that Gwen had made, then took off her by dropping it on the dirt floor. When he returned to press his bare chest against that of Merlin, Merlin could not not open their legs, desperately trying to push as much as possible against the other.
With a fast-moving and almost angry, Arthur reversed their positions and pushed him to the bed, forcing him to turn around. When his legs touched the cold edge of the bed, Merlin could not help but lean forward, while Arthur he is leaning back.
"I said -" Arthur said, almost trembling with the effort while lowering his trousers. "If it's this -" He fumbled with the belt of his trousers, then, without warning, he pushed two fingers in the half-open mouth of Merlin.
Merlin received them as an anchor, shaking around the lips and tongue, and thinking that was OK was OK, not anything to lose anymore. Never again.
"- you think."
When his fingers slipped from the mouth, Merlin would have liked turn around to look him in the face, to understand what was going to do. Lay still, excited and confused, and still does not move even when Arthur pushed two wet fingers against him. The sheet beneath him was rough but fresh, and there Merlin put his cheek close my eyes, when Arthur began to touch it, first from the outside, with small circles, then closer and closer.
Suddenly, Arthur leaned over him as far to the right ear with his lips, and gasped "What? And 'this? "
Merlin nodded once, dying to turn to look at his face, and whispered, "Yes. Yes, Arthur, always. "
First came a finger, slowly, almost too softly, but Merlin was hurt the same. Then he went another, and Merlin could not believe what was pleasant. Suppressed the urge to get away, and stood still, swallowing some lament the fingers moved faster and faster, more and more painful.
"Me too." Arthur suddenly murmured against his ear, "Me too. Merlin. "
And, fast as it was started, everything slowed down. The fingers came out and began to touch him softly, almost read, Merlin and felt the excitement grow still more than what he believed was possible. Then he disappeared a second, and Arthur felt that the Merlin was moistened with her saliva, calmly, and then ... then he was pushing in, and it was strange, but in a low voice called him Arthur, Merlin and was so in love him.
When he entered, he did so badly that Merlin could not suppress a curse, but he stopped immediately and Arthur laughed the voice shake with excitement. "You have a real talent ... to say the wrong things at the wrong time."
"... what?" Churches Merlin, completely lost in other thoughts.
Arthur laughed again, this time against his cheek. "Or maybe - ah , the wrong things at the right time ...." After a little giggle
also Merlin, and when Arthur began to go inside him, the laughter turned into groans and the pain disappeared, but weakened after the bubble of heat that had taken the place of his stomach.
"Merlin." Said Arthur, Merlin and said, "Arthur."
"I went to Gaius." Arthur whispered in the darkness of the room later, when the torches were out also.
Merlin nodded over his shoulder.
"I thought ... I thought that the flower did not work. I'm still under the love potion. "
Merlin raised his head, trying to look into his eyes. "What? But ... I asked you, and you said - "
" I thought that the antidote I would stop thinking about things .... But it did not work, so I went to ask Gaius. "
This time Merlin sat up, his heart pounding in my throat. "He did not - but I checked, the plant was right!"
"It was not the plan."
"... what?"
Arthur raised his hand in the dark, and pulled up hair from his forehead sweaty Merlin. Then he took him by the wrist and if you pulled back against. "I thought it was the filter. When I said ... when I said that was not true nothing, I thought it was really the love potion. But then I got the antidote, and I forgot to Lucan, while you ... "
" I "asked Merlin, hope that's nearly blinded the thoughts.
"I was so terrified that the antidote did not work, and then you thought it was all finished, so ... I tried to ignore it. To avoid them. You do not know how bad I did see you so worried about Gaius and can not fail .... "
" He hurt me too. "Merlin said in a low voice. Arthur
kept him closer. "I know. I'm sorry. "
" But why - "He asked Merlin, why could not not get hurt," Why did you just thought it was the filter? Because you are not even occurred to me ... I could ... "
" I'm sorry. "He also told Arthur, with his voice more serious than that before Merlin thought was reserved only for his father. Seems to increase ten-year adult and seemed ready to wear the crown. It was ironic, or maybe just beautiful, as it seemed so regal lying naked on a bed.
The moon was only half, but Merlin would not have asked for a better light, more delicate in the slip on the hair of Arthur, on his chin, dark eyes and parted lips.
"Merlin, listen." Merlin leaned her head on his chest, leaving the other one is talking through his hair. He did not care to seem pathetic, or discounted, or love. He wanted to make it clear, however, perhaps because it was strange, but not ashamed, and did not want Arthur had doubts.
"I can not deny or erase everything I was told and taught since I was born, and when I say that Lucan is a knight and you're just a servant - "He took a deep breath" Part of me believes it. "Merlin
froze completely. Then he relaxed again. Arthur knew, despite everything that had happened, and never stopped having faith in him and in his inability to hurt him with a conscience. Arthur moved slightly, and began to stroke his hair up.
"But Merlin, is the least important. You know me. It is not that part that matters when I'm with you, and thanks to you. So I'm sorry, and I'm sorry if that part would still hurt. But the most important part of me ... is that no matter who you are. "
" The most important part of you, eh? "Merlin murmured, smiling as he went down to kiss her shoulder" I think you know where ... "
When they woke up really, the sun shone high above the walls of Camelot, Merlin, but had no intention of getting up. Arthur was going to open when they knocked, wearing only a pair of pants.
"Your Highness," he asked kindly squire beyond the door. Arthur muttered something rubbing his eyes, and Merlin was forced to pull his pillow.
The squire had to work at the palace for a long, why did not comment when a stranger struck cushion the Crown Prince on the head.
"Sir Lucan asks whether you would have the honor to ride with him and his promise, this afternoon."
Arthur raised an eyebrow "What ...?" He still had his voice hoarse with sleep.
"Sir Lucan asks you - "
" Ah. I understand. Wait. "With a push shut the door and turned back to Merlin. "You did a really nice job of keeping our relationship secret. Really well done. "
" Our relationship ? "It made him the verse Merlin, emerging from the crumpled sheet, without too much bite because he thought that he had just said the squire. "Neither Gaius speaks well."
Arthur smiled at him from above the bed, and then bent to kiss him as if he were the most natural thing the world. "Hey. Want to go? "She whispered on his lips.
"Where?"
"By Lucan and Lynette." He broke off and smiled again, almost amused at his worried look. "She is really nice, you know?" Merlin
Not that he needed to investigate further, after having seen the eyes of Arthur melt looking at him even when he knew he was tousled with sleep, but had not yet learned not to ask. "And Lucan?"
"Lucan ..." whispered Arthur in his mouth "You'll enjoy it, you'll see. "
" Just do not like you. "Merlin said very quietly, but did so only to be kissed again.
