Fandom: Tokio Hotel; Twincest (Tom / Bill)
Title: Get Back
Author: Misako93
Rating: R Genre
: Drama, Angst, Introspective, Hurt / Comfort
Warnings: Rape, Violence, Drug Use, Adult Content.
Date drafting : August 23, 2008
Summary:
I do not want to walk away. It 'just came back, though again it would go away really die.
Notes: This fanfiction was written last year for a contest community Kaulitzestita . I must admit that I do not remember "XD I had to reread it before you publish it here. E 'curious, but it happens often with my shots. Maybe because I write so cast ... Anyway. In theory this should be one shot, but incredibly was a bit 'too long. So I split in two.
I'm afraid to open my eyes.
I do not want to see. I do not want to think. I will not repent. Read My Lips
its taste is still so clear that I seem to be finished in a dream, the end of the nightmare of my reality.
I fled.
I do not know how.
Just before I was backstage, undecided what to do, and the next second I was sitting in a cafe in a town on the outskirts of some cities without the faintest idea of what would have been my life since then.
I could not sit at look at the people eating his bowl of ice cream in peace and stay there forever? I would also be gone, but I knew it was physically impossible to do. Sooner or later someone would recognize me.
I had spent the night in an abandoned taxi, in an atmosphere that seemed so surreal to be done in the movies. I had so much money that I can keep for life, and I was reduced to sleeping in a car like a homeless. But I could not use my wealth to give me a break most appropriate. I would be caught immediately and, in my plan, it was essential to get away. If David and I had taken back in the band, I could no longer watch Tom in the eye.
Sitting at the cafe with my cup of ice cream now over I could imagine the expression that you would be painted on the face of my sister if I had brought back just a reflection of my squinting eyes that vaguely reflected in the drip of cream melted on the bottom of the cup.
Why did you leave? What is it, Bill? You can tell me.
Wrong, Tomi. I could not say anything. If I did I could no longer even look in the mirror, let alone look at you.
I knew that somehow it was because of that girl. I became so nervous after Tom told me.
had an appointment with a serious girlfriend. It might seem like science fiction for those who did not know my brother, but I knew that despite all the poses and head shots, Tom was a good boy. I knew that if he had really liked this girl, and if she had returned, Tom could pull out a really long-lasting relationship.
It was that thought that I had destroyed, I think.
The thought of seeing Tom with a girl for a lifetime, while I lived beside him and its her. Forced to smile.
I would not have ever made.
I loved Tom.
Maybe it's a lie though, because if I was really able to love I could bear it, happy to see him happy.
No. The truth is that I loved Tom, but a jealous and possessive love, those whose principal Act is "The important thing is that you live in the happiness of the happy" , I want a love that was not a one-way, I wanted Tom loved me and I wanted to turn, as I loved him and wanted him.
I would have satisfied the tiny signs of fraternal affection, if Tom had not decided to attach to someone who was not me, but with a woman I'd be gone in half a second floor.
So I decided to leave.
I seemed a really good idea. I knew I could do something stupid if I remained. So I should really
give an explanation.
Escape was much simpler. Perhaps by cowards. But simple.
I had never been able to ship in rough waters.
* The smell of Tom is something I wonder every time I hear it.
Somehow it is always different, always I take a different nuance in the rich mixture of its smell.
wearing the shirt now knows that fresh and clean, but even this is beginning to gain the scent of his sweat with the mind that brings me back to all the concerts we've done with Tokio Hotel, when we hug after every show together and Tom was always one of the most rotten. Then there Note scented wax used for hair care: It's been ten long years despite his Rasta are still in place, perhaps a little 'less care than before, but by no means neglected. What is new is the cologne that I do not remember him ever heard him, and the slight bitterness of a shave. But everything is covered by the smell of his body, his skin has a warm aroma, like what's under the covers on a cold night in winter and the only thing you want is to wrap the sweet warmth of goose down.
smell of home and family. Scent of love.
- Hey girl, here is space?
jerk abruptly, realizing that they were addressed to me. I did not realize that the boy had approached my table.
He sputtered a couple of excuses and I get up, not knowing how to behave.
I do to get away, but I was stopped by the same voice as before - look what I told you not to leave. You can stay here if you want.
I go back and sit in my chair.
What the hell am I doing? I should take it and go. I'm in trouble now, surely there's already people that you are looking for and, although I changed the scene with a layer of makeup eyeshadow pink and gold stolen from Dunja, which is not exactly unrecognizable. E 'already so if someone does not have stopped me for an autograph.
- What's a girl like you all alone in a small town like this? I've never seen here, you're not here ...
Oh dear, again. All we need is the guy asking me the curious things called "girl". Be 'at the bottom also right, no make-up man in pink. Neither do I. I would have done had I not been in need.
- Hey, are you dumb?
- No - he snapped. That guy is really annoying.
- Hey, You're not one of those guys who became a sex change, right? I hope that your voice is so hoarse for this ...
I look at him shocked. I took for a transvestite!
- Of course not! I'm just a boy! - I do not care if she recognized me. I have never been insulted in this way and I will not allow someone to start now.
I see him arching an eyebrow and giggled, before sipping his coffee, or whatever the hell it is.
- I was right then. - He says in a whisper - are you that singer, no? the guy they're looking for everyone. I feel my lungs empty
shooting. Shit. I'm fucked. Completely fucked. Now this guy takes me by the shoulder, takes me to the bar, says the owner to call the police and I end my short break, then David will give me a wash head and I'll have to explain to my brother ... God
- Hey, look there's no need to become so pale. I have no interest in or surrendered to the authorities who the hell you are looking for. I hate the state. He just caused trouble. Indeed, if you want I can also offer a place to stay. Not here, though. Further to the north. Far to the north. Outside of Germany, I mean.
- And you expect that you follow with a light heart, no? Obvious. Everyone follows the proposals of the unknown. - Flash and feeling offended by his familiarity.
I had an instinctive fear of Lukas. I did not trust. Not at first, anyway.
But something had melted my prudence. Something in his gestures. In his eyes. Or maybe it was just that kind of smile, a bit 'but at the same time so arrogant.
I agreed to follow it because I saw that smile in the shadow of Tom, desperately seeking something that reminds me of him.
At first I was treated with kid gloves, was really kind and thoughtful, wondering if I was hungry or needed something. I had even opened the door in a gallant gesture that made me feel embarrassed, because making me go back in front of the seat belt was broken, or so at least maintained.
I thought it was all going pretty well.
Even when I saw him go after me, closing the door behind him, I imagined how things could go wrong.
floor groaned when Tom pressed me more of him making me crack his ribs cracked. I brought a hand to his chest, massaging to decrease a little 'pain button.
- Bill? It 's okay?
I ignored his question and continued to sink my nose into his clothes soaked with him.
stroked my hair, I knew I wanted an answer. - Do not worry - I whispered for the first time since I had crossed the threshold of his house.
Lukas pulls up the zipper of his jeans. It can clearly hear the noise-zzziip! - And I doubt after the sound of the seat belt-clack! - Is secured.
- I was right. You're the singer, Bill Kaulitz ... and I was also right that you were a great fuck. - Laughs.
I'm not moving. I do not answer. My head does not work. My senses are so reactive that I feel insane. The seat rough. A hot liquid that falls in between me and legs. My muscles are contracted convulsively, I feel that if more than breath so I'll end torn in two. Every breath is a knife that I gutted, but I can not die.
close my eyes, but I can not help but think what Tom would say if he knew that I trusted a stranger. A tear wets my cheek.
From time Lukas had raped me in the car, I felt like a puppet with the strings cut. I could see me as if I were watching from the outside, while he was playing with my body, stripping it and covering it like a doll.
If it was not satisfied, Lukas beat me. I usually kicked, or slapped. Sometimes he hit me for no reason, but do not take me long to make connections with his tantrums and strokes. It was a drug addict, and when he had enough money vented its withdrawal on me.
I never said no.
It 's one thing I think and think, and each time is worse.
I never said no.
I never tried to defend myself, to oppose. I never yelled at him that Lukas was tired of being his whore. Since I had put a hand on him, was bound as if he had never signed a contract that allowed him to exploit them at will without me to do a single fold.
Maybe because I think I deserve.
Maybe it was the proper punishment for someone who dreamed of making love with your sister. Lukas
endured for years. Then I ran away. I dressed quickly enough after having sex, stealing the 'last dose of drug in my tormentor, close pulcioso in his apartment using the keys left in jeans and go out in the cold of a November that did not even know what year it was.
hurt my ribs broken, and nausea withdrawal that I had driven me to keep me good waned.
- Tom, I said that everything is ok ... - Tom protested feebly when I slipped a hand under my shirt I was wearing tattered, reaching my hand.
- Does it hurt when I touch you here? What happened to you?
- Tom - begged him, closing his eyes. It hurt. Even within.
He sighed and pressed me to lie down on the couch in a more comfortable position. His hands stroked my hair was the most beautiful thing in the world.
- I love you - I muttered without thinking. I feared his reaction, but now I had nothing to lose. Tom had lost ten years ago, with my integrity.
My sister took my hand in hers. - I know - he murmured with a broken smile. In his eyes there was written the awareness of what I had before. - I'm here, now, Bill.
I was ashamed. I cried. I hid her face in her hands, letting all the pain repressed Accumoli dispersed over the years in the embrace Hot Tom that I had entered on impulse.
almost did not remember that effect was being hugged. Even Tom's face became clouded with the passing of years looking in the mirror I no longer saw him but a skeleton too much makeup.
- Bill - whispered lips - do not worry about anything, okay? I am here with you now. We are together again.
nodded.
Bill regained weight quickly. With a little 'patience could tell me almost everything that had passed, even if I did not know what was easily discernable.
had changed a lot since he had gone, but it was not really grown. It was somehow blocked, but the fact that behave as if we both still twenty years I did not mind: preventing me from thinking about the time we had lost.
And I ... be '. Life was not the weight that had been in previous years.
Bill was reborn. It was a phoenix risen from the ashes. His enthusiasm drew me too.
My hands learned to make it flourish, and I found out how much I had missed a night of pure sin and new certainties.
Tom had a lot of patience with me. Despite the constant attacks of panic that I had after that period of separation, he never tried to follow me to a psychologist. He would done things that I did not want a shrink and was the last person I would have asked. I knew that maybe I needed it, but it was something I did not feel the need. I also needed to go to a doctor, or get me close to a clinic for drug addiction, but after almost a year we discovered that I had not needed. I
Tom. If I suddenly had come to miss the food, water and air to live, I would have died anyway, because I had my, I drank and breathed Tom. Tom was my medicine, it was my psychologist, was my lover. I
Tom. All the rest I needed.
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